Monthly Archives: April 2010

I’m about to gain 10 lbs.

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I'd consider selling my soul for one of these.

I’m in the great state of Pennsylvania this weekend. I’m certain that anyone who has come into contact or had more than a 10 second interaction with me over the past month believes I’ll be arriving in Philadelphia with a bib strapped on, fork in hand. When it comes to Philadelphia all I talk about is the food. And my friend Liz. Obviously.

So far in my life there are two great cities for eating — I know there are probably a million more out there, but right now I just can’t seem to wrap my head around anything but the deliciousness in San Fransisco and Philadelphia. They’re both like Las Vegas for eating… What happens in Philly stays in Philly. We won’t mention the 5,000 calories I consumed that day or the bottle of wine and cake I had with dinner. Which of course never happened. I’ve been eating “healthy” (cough, ahem) the past few weeks with full anticipation that it would all go flying out the window once I landed in the capital of Philly Cheese steaks and canned cheese. When it’s time to return someone will have to pry a sandwich out of my plumped up hands. But that’s where I am. In case you’re wondering. Full update on my Philly adventures to come.

Alley Crap Update.

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In case you are unaware of the Alley Crap series… here is where it started.

I want you all to know that I am highly dedicated to keeping you in the loop with all the treasures my alley provides. And let me tell you there are treasures a plenty this week. I would love to show them to you and offer them up to the highest bidder, BUT my neighbor (the one that provides us with entertainment via his hoarder tendencies and alley gifts) must sense that I want to take pictures of his goods… because I’ve tried 3 different times to get pictures of the stick piles and TINY lawn chair that have taken up residence outside my garage, and each and every time I whip out the iPhone he comes around the corner eying me suspiciously.

I immediately start talking into my phone and glancing around as if I were lost… or looking for my mind, which conveniently I must have left right back inside my house. I then turn abruptly and leave. He is lurking. I know it. He just waits for me to go out there and try to take a picture. He’s watching. Maybe he thinks I’m a rogue, undercover agent ready to bust him for his very public destruction of our alley. I look secret agent. I really do.

You’re totally not intimidated. Whatever.

Anyways, that’s why you haven’t gotten any new photos or product offerings. The End.

P.S. I promise to work on my rogue, undercover, secret agent skills and get you something good. Have a little faith will ya? Or I’ll go back to talking about how to turn your panties into art.

Update: The TINY lawn chair has disappeared. Sigh.

This, that and some other thing.

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It’s been a while. I have written a few times but either haven’t felt like posting it or just don’t know how to finish what I’ve started… story of my life. In the meantime a few things have been happening and an update is more than in order.

For starters, it looks as if spring may actually appear… if you can rely on a few flowers poking through the dirt to determine that. Though Denver’s tricky weather fooled me again today — when will I learn that sunny in Denver will equal winter in Loveland? Note to self: BRING YOUR FREAKING COAT. I froze my buns off today.

On another note — Charles has taken over my hamper, which originally I assumed was to chew on my clothes and eat my underwear (who wouldn’t sign up for that?), but it appears that he likes to sleep in there or hang out or do whatever it is dogs do when we’re not looking — like take over the world. It was definitely a surprise to find him in there and then watch it topple over as he tried to drag himself out. Charles getting all snugly:

We’ve also had a bit of excitement with our drier. Now I know it’s hard to not get all riled up with just the mention of a drier, because we all know that driers are like sex. They’re something everyone secretly wants to talk about, but doesn’t because they don’t want to seem like the creeper that breathes heavily in the corner. So, now that I’ve put that out in the open, our drier is broken. We broke it and by we I mean it was Lindsey’s death blanket and my idiocy of actually putting it in the drier that finally sent it into revolt. See, Lindsey has this blanket. It’s chenille-y and rather comfortable. The color choices are questionable but it kept me warm for the past few months so I decided it deserved a wash. I washed it with another blanket and some snowboarding gear. This was not a good decision. After a trip through the spin cycle my other blanket, snowboarding pants, and snowboarding jacket were all covered, COVERED in pink fuzz. I “air-dried” the snowboarding gear and tossed the blankets in the drier assuming it would all, miraculously, find its way to the lint filter and we would be done with this shenanigan. Well, some of the fuzz made it to the lint filter, but the rest seems to have camped out all over the inner workings of our drier… meaning no drier for Megan… or Lindsey. But, that’s besides the point.

I hadn’t done laundry in 2 weeks. And I go through a lot of clothes in two weeks and the pickings were getting pretty slim. There are only so many times that I can re-wear the same jeans without everyone in my office wanting to pitch in and buy me a second pair… I spill a lot and the mustard stains are hard to pass off the next day.

On Monday I just couldn’t take it anymore,  I decided to wash ALL MY LAUNDRY with hopes that our drier would make a spectacular recovery and come through for me. Well it did not – despite my roommate and her boyfriend’s best attempt to vacuum out all the lint. So… being the creative one that I am, I decided that it would be a just wonderful to use my panties as decoration and hang them from the wall art, in the dining room, to dry. I’m thinking we could make it a permanent installation. My roommate’s sister was particularly impressed and left us with this little gem, “P.S. Megan’s underwear makes for nice decorations”. I couldn’t agree more.

Somehow this post became a lot about underwear and panties, whatever strikes your fancy. Go me.

Something New

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As I’ve mentioned… I’ve moved downtown, well almost. And there are many things that come with living downtown: homeless folk, trash, traffic, alleys, trash in alleys, booze bottles in alleys (like the one pictured below), hoarder neighbors, amongst so many other things.

Sorry for the quality -- the iPhone just didn't cut it today.

Over the past 2+ months that we’ve lived here I’ve noticed a little something with our back neighbor. He or she (haven’t actually seen or met them) is a hoarder. They have a covered and fenced in back garage that is literally STUFFED with crap.  I can sometimes see it’s wondrousness through the cracks in the gate. One time they left the gate open, but I didn’t have a camera to capture it in all of its disgusting glory.

Each week our little neighbor unpacks a bit of his death hole garage/porch/rats nest and drops it off in the alley. One week it was a ratty recliner from somewhere near 1970 with yellow, green and orange stripes and rips that added a touch of rustic charm. Last week it was a series of warped, faded and dying tables. A dining room table, a few coffee tables, and something that can only be described as  a decorative side table designed by Quasi Moto. They all disappear eventually. I’m not sure if someone with terrible taste/desperate need for ugly additions picks them up or if the trash man just gets as sick of seeing them as I do. Regardless, they all leave and are almost immediately replaced by something else.

So, today I am here to offer you a set of three printers. They may have sat out in a snow storm and have  few functional power outlets. I can’t guarantee their productivity or their ability to actually print, but if you are looking for a printer to really make an impression I have got the one for you. Better act quick before someone nabs these little gems.

They happen to be situated next to a trash can and a wicked classy set of vehicles. The first has been here, front window rolled down and all from the beginning. It has survived, in this state, a plethora of snow storms, rain amongst other lovely weather conditions. Plus, its “chocolate and steel” color combinations make me swoon on a daily basis.

The second is clearly a work van used for a local photography company. If you are looking for someone to photograph your family picnic, a reunion, your engagement party or even the birth of your first child I have a sneaking suspicion that they may be available. Please call the number listed in the photo for further information.

And for a closer shot on the phone number — because the typography is truly a work to admire:

I’ll keep you updated each week as more treasures find their way into my alley. Maybe, just maybe you’ll be as fascinated by these hoarders as I am. I think I’ll start a new series… called “Alley Crap” with updates as they happen.